Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Scott Adams
Chapter 11: COWBOY HEAVEN
Noa realized her core was no different at fifty-seven than it was at seventeen. Some things remain constant. In this she took comfort. At times, the rest of her world seemed to be spinning out of control. A son at war, financial messes, wrecked relationships and work related woes could be overwhelming. It helped to stand back and observe, instead of trying to force her will upon the world as she once did. Sometimes life requires a person to be a spectator instead of a participant. It was a challenging task for Noa, but one she was learning to accept most of the time and actually enjoy at other times.
At various times in her life Noa fell victim to at least five of the seven deadly sins. Sloth and Gluttony were the two she had successfully avoided thus far. To Noa, sins were like burns. There were varying degrees of seriousness. Most of hers fell into the first and second-degree categories. Madders was third degree all the way.
He stepped off the bus carrying a saddle. Think Brad Pitt, a little taller, more chiseled, in a sweat stained cowboy hat, with a two-day stubble and wearing chaps. Noa and Elizabeth were window-shopping in Jackson Hole years earlier on the last vacation they took as a family before the divorce. The rest of the family, exhausted from the drive, opted to watch an in-room movie. Noa and her daughter went for ice cream, a walk around the town square, and a little night air.
The bus pulled to the curb, and both Elizabeth and Noa turned toward it, most likely from the noise and odor it emitted. Their eyes locked on the same object. Then, after a quick glance at one another, back to “the cowboy.”
“I’ll take that one.” Elizabeth’s teenage lust was in full bloom at sixteen.”
“You have excellent taste, my dear.” Noa continued to gaze as the cowboy lighted a cigarette while he waited for his baggage to be unloaded curbside. Better than the Marlboro Man. “Hmm, we’d better go.”
“Not yet, Mom, let’s watch a little longer.” Elizabeth pleaded as Noa began to saunter toward the next gallery window.
Noa felt a need to distance herself from the exquisiteness of his form; those sleek long lines and perfect proportions, but she turned back and reveled in the moment. “He is a vision. Remember this one, it’s a once in a lifetime treat.” Noa licked the melting chocolate from the side of the cone, and admonished her daughter. “It’s rude to stare, mind your manners.” But Noa, like her daughter, could not resist. The temptation took on a power of its own.
The cowboy threw his cigarette butt on the sidewalk, ground it out with his boot heel, threw the saddle on his right shoulder, picked up his lone bag and began to walk away.
“Let’s follow him Mom.”
“Elizabeth---we shouldn’t.” But Noa had never wanted to pursue anyone more in her entire life. Primal urges surfaced beyond her control, and Noa was flooded with unbridled desire for the complete stranger, the cowboy. Good Lord, what am I thinking? He’s twenty-eight, thirty at most, maybe no older than twenty-five. And I have children, a husband and responsibilities. What am I doing?
“We have to, he’s a walking piece of art.” At sixteen Elizabeth’s passions were boys, art and horses, the latter was the longest-lived.
And so they did.
The cowboy left the town square and headed in the direction of Noa’s hotel. It was a warm August night and the sidewalks were filled with urban people playing cowboy for a week, but Noa sensed he was aware they were following him. He turned once, paused for only a second, and then continued walking.
Noa touched Elizabeth’s arm. “Honey, we have to stop this. Let’s go back to our hotel.” As she spoke the cowboy looked back at them again, a little longer this time. Noa took her daughter’s hand and stopped in the street. “Let’s go, we’ve had our fun.”
They watched as the cowboy cut across the street, and disappeared into the night. Noa felt a sense of loss as the vision disappeared. That will never come again. She closed her eyes and made sure he was imprinted in her memory forever. She recognized and appreciated God given beauty, and she was sure she would forever treasure the cowboy as a beautiful memory and cherished moment in her life. His essence moved her in a way she had seldom, if ever, been moved before. She doubted Elizabeth would ever forget this night too. It was an unlikely mother daughter bonding experience.
They walked in silence until Elizabeth spoke. “Mom, we met the universal man tonight.” Elizabeth’s mood was giddy.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I thought he was absolutely hunky, and I could tell you liked him too.”
“Oh, really? And our unanimous approval makes him the universal man?”
“Yep, sure does.”
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Chapter 10 Worth It
The very purpose of our lives is happiness; the very motion of our lives is toward happiness.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Chapter 10: SO UNREAL
“Mom, you need to prosecute him. Don’t let him get away with this.” Elizabeth’s voice was as fiery as her hair. “You loaned that poor excuse for a man money when he was losing his restaurant because he couldn’t manage his way out of an open paper bag, and then he turns around and does this? Unbelievable!”
Elizabeth, Noa’s bright and gifted daughter always lived by the rules, except for the choices she made in her own life. An unconventional choice in a husband found her married to a man thirty years her senior, a doctoral degree student at UCLA, the mother of four and stepmother of five at twenty-eight. Her day job was teaching ninety fourth graders math.
“He’s obviously disturbed to do what he did.” Noa plucked the wilted blossoms from the cymbidium plants as she spoke. She remained unsure what action she would initiate, if any.
“Disturbed? Full on nuts is more like it.” Elizabeth was agitated and ready to call the DA. She shifted the baby to the opposite hip and watched as her mother continued to manicure her plants.
After a few minutes, Noa stopped gardening, stretched out on the fresh cut lawn, and watched her grandchildren happily engaged in the magical moments of childhood. Now that is happiness. Bliss at its best. I’m in the presence of angels. They are full of joy in the present moment. They are here, now, not concerned with tomorrow or filled with regrets for yesterday. That’s the gift of grandchildren; they give us another glimpse at raw happiness, perhaps our last reminder to seek it everyday for ourselves. After all, it is one of our inalienable rights, so why do we continually deny ourselves? Noa’s thoughts drifted back to the demise of her most recent long-term relationship.
“No doubt, he does have real issues. Best case, he is a pathological liar, and worst case is he needs to be committed.” Noa removed her gardening gloves and lifted her arms to indicate to Elizabeth to give her the baby. “I’m still stunned by the depth and breathe of his lies. Bouncing all those checks, and the phantom properties in Hawaii, Temecula and God knows where else. The devil was in his every detail. Our relationship was on a winding devious path leading nowhere. Each lie, led to ten more. A sane person couldn’t make up stories that elaborate.”
A half-smile escaped as Noa continued. “It’s almost becoming comical to me.” Noa buried her nose in the baby’s strawberry blond curls and inhaled slowly. The sweet scent of innocence.
Noa caught a glimmer of mischief in Elizabeth’s blue eyes as she sat down beside her mother.
“If they gave a Nobel for lying, he’d win hands down. I’m still laughing about his yacht that lost half its length from story to story, and, oh, how about my favorite that he was a member of the RealJet family!” Elizabeth’s laugh was just shy of boisterous.
“He was so uncultured---all those double negatives. That used to drive me crazy. Honestly Mom, I think Princeton was another part of the fantasy life he thought he lived.”
Elizabeth prepared to breastfeed as she spoke. “And remember how you had to spray your bedroom after he left because of the body odor that lingered behind long after he left? And stripping the bed sheets after each visit? He was a lot of work, Mom.” Elizabeth’s mood lightened as she recalled how they rolled on the floor laughing when Noa first recounted the story.
“I know. I can’t believe I spent three years off and on with him. All because I was trying to prove to myself I was over Jett.” Noa sighed and realized even smart women make dumb mistakes. “At least I know why I did it. I’ve learned my head is not stronger than my heart.”
Noa felt she was finally ready to move toward her own happiness. She was looking forward to the journey. And perhaps, just perhaps it did not include a man, at least not full time.
“Let’s face it Mom, you love a project, and he was one if I ever saw one!”
“He was someone I thought I should love, but you can’t tell your heart what to do. What a waste of time.” Noa disliked languishing in guilt and regrets, and it had taken months for her to realize why she stayed in a relationship with a man she disliked more than she liked.
“And money.” Elizabeth remained appalled Noa loaned money to a man who claimed to be a millionaire, a retired surgeon and a restaurateur to the rich and famous. “Mom, whatever did you see in him? We were all puzzled by that selection from the start.” Elizabeth swung her ponytail to one side, and away from the baby’s grasp. “Not that you’ve brought that many guys home for us to meet, but usually they run more to the tall, dark, smart and hunky types, and he was just the opposite.”
Noa threw back her head and laughed without restraint. “Yes, I’d like to kill the person who wrote that article, it was in Time I think, suggesting older women date against type.”
Noa watched as her grandchildren played on the deck with the same Fisher Price toys her own children played with, then spoke with measured accuracy. “I suppose it was a combination of things. Jett married, September 11 happened, my children were gone, my nest was empty and my mother’s death left me feeling very much at a crossroad in my life. I just took the wrong path. But don’t worry my dear; I fell, but it was only a skinned knee. It’ll leave a little scar, but the healing is well under way. And even at my age, I learned from it. I know what I don’t want; it’s my type or no one. There’s no settling. Dr. Real confirmed that for me.”
Noa bent over to kiss the redheaded grandson as he raced by. “See, he was good for something.”
Elizabeth spoke softly, but resolutely. “Good for nothing, and good riddance. What a waste of humanity. God placed all those signs in front of you, but you turned your head every time until the ring. It couldn’t be much more in your face than that. Now, that was a brazen act.”
“Seven carats of cubic zirconium, and the most insulting thing is he thought he could get away with it.” Noa shook her head in disbelief.
What a little low life bastard.” Elizabeth spoke softly through clenched teeth.
Noa’s eyes connected with Elizabeth’s. “You’re right, and thank God I didn’t get in any deeper by marrying him. He was abysmal at business, but I didn’t find that out until after I was working with him.”
Noa moved to the chaise, curled her legs beneath her, and raised her eyes upward in thanks. “It feels so good to be working for myself again. That was the biggest career and relationship mistake I ever made, all rolled into one.”
Noa admired the tidy garden. It was satisfying to establish order somewhere so easily.
“At least you got it over with all at once.” Analytical and logical Elizabeth attempted to help her mother put the charade behind her.
Noa laughed and nodded. “Yes, they ran concurrently.”
It was therapeutic to discuss, analyze and find humor in a relationship gone bad. It was a summation of lessons learned and moving forward. Sharing it with her daughter lightened the load. Noa knew she was blessed indeed.
“And let this be a lesson to you. It’s never too late to correct a mistake. Dr Real looked good on paper, but even those were false. The only thing I regret is that it took so long for me to discover his true character. He was weak, deceptive and detrimental to me in every way. The Great Fraud.”
Noa looked deep into her daughter’s eyes. “Promise me you’ll never suffer the company of a fool just to be in someone’s company.”
Elizabeth nodded her agreement, placed her arms around her mother, squeezed her tight, and said, “All's well that ends well.”
A phrase oft spoken by the women of their clan.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Chapter 10: SO UNREAL
“Mom, you need to prosecute him. Don’t let him get away with this.” Elizabeth’s voice was as fiery as her hair. “You loaned that poor excuse for a man money when he was losing his restaurant because he couldn’t manage his way out of an open paper bag, and then he turns around and does this? Unbelievable!”
Elizabeth, Noa’s bright and gifted daughter always lived by the rules, except for the choices she made in her own life. An unconventional choice in a husband found her married to a man thirty years her senior, a doctoral degree student at UCLA, the mother of four and stepmother of five at twenty-eight. Her day job was teaching ninety fourth graders math.
“He’s obviously disturbed to do what he did.” Noa plucked the wilted blossoms from the cymbidium plants as she spoke. She remained unsure what action she would initiate, if any.
“Disturbed? Full on nuts is more like it.” Elizabeth was agitated and ready to call the DA. She shifted the baby to the opposite hip and watched as her mother continued to manicure her plants.
After a few minutes, Noa stopped gardening, stretched out on the fresh cut lawn, and watched her grandchildren happily engaged in the magical moments of childhood. Now that is happiness. Bliss at its best. I’m in the presence of angels. They are full of joy in the present moment. They are here, now, not concerned with tomorrow or filled with regrets for yesterday. That’s the gift of grandchildren; they give us another glimpse at raw happiness, perhaps our last reminder to seek it everyday for ourselves. After all, it is one of our inalienable rights, so why do we continually deny ourselves? Noa’s thoughts drifted back to the demise of her most recent long-term relationship.
“No doubt, he does have real issues. Best case, he is a pathological liar, and worst case is he needs to be committed.” Noa removed her gardening gloves and lifted her arms to indicate to Elizabeth to give her the baby. “I’m still stunned by the depth and breathe of his lies. Bouncing all those checks, and the phantom properties in Hawaii, Temecula and God knows where else. The devil was in his every detail. Our relationship was on a winding devious path leading nowhere. Each lie, led to ten more. A sane person couldn’t make up stories that elaborate.”
A half-smile escaped as Noa continued. “It’s almost becoming comical to me.” Noa buried her nose in the baby’s strawberry blond curls and inhaled slowly. The sweet scent of innocence.
Noa caught a glimmer of mischief in Elizabeth’s blue eyes as she sat down beside her mother.
“If they gave a Nobel for lying, he’d win hands down. I’m still laughing about his yacht that lost half its length from story to story, and, oh, how about my favorite that he was a member of the RealJet family!” Elizabeth’s laugh was just shy of boisterous.
“He was so uncultured---all those double negatives. That used to drive me crazy. Honestly Mom, I think Princeton was another part of the fantasy life he thought he lived.”
Elizabeth prepared to breastfeed as she spoke. “And remember how you had to spray your bedroom after he left because of the body odor that lingered behind long after he left? And stripping the bed sheets after each visit? He was a lot of work, Mom.” Elizabeth’s mood lightened as she recalled how they rolled on the floor laughing when Noa first recounted the story.
“I know. I can’t believe I spent three years off and on with him. All because I was trying to prove to myself I was over Jett.” Noa sighed and realized even smart women make dumb mistakes. “At least I know why I did it. I’ve learned my head is not stronger than my heart.”
Noa felt she was finally ready to move toward her own happiness. She was looking forward to the journey. And perhaps, just perhaps it did not include a man, at least not full time.
“Let’s face it Mom, you love a project, and he was one if I ever saw one!”
“He was someone I thought I should love, but you can’t tell your heart what to do. What a waste of time.” Noa disliked languishing in guilt and regrets, and it had taken months for her to realize why she stayed in a relationship with a man she disliked more than she liked.
“And money.” Elizabeth remained appalled Noa loaned money to a man who claimed to be a millionaire, a retired surgeon and a restaurateur to the rich and famous. “Mom, whatever did you see in him? We were all puzzled by that selection from the start.” Elizabeth swung her ponytail to one side, and away from the baby’s grasp. “Not that you’ve brought that many guys home for us to meet, but usually they run more to the tall, dark, smart and hunky types, and he was just the opposite.”
Noa threw back her head and laughed without restraint. “Yes, I’d like to kill the person who wrote that article, it was in Time I think, suggesting older women date against type.”
Noa watched as her grandchildren played on the deck with the same Fisher Price toys her own children played with, then spoke with measured accuracy. “I suppose it was a combination of things. Jett married, September 11 happened, my children were gone, my nest was empty and my mother’s death left me feeling very much at a crossroad in my life. I just took the wrong path. But don’t worry my dear; I fell, but it was only a skinned knee. It’ll leave a little scar, but the healing is well under way. And even at my age, I learned from it. I know what I don’t want; it’s my type or no one. There’s no settling. Dr. Real confirmed that for me.”
Noa bent over to kiss the redheaded grandson as he raced by. “See, he was good for something.”
Elizabeth spoke softly, but resolutely. “Good for nothing, and good riddance. What a waste of humanity. God placed all those signs in front of you, but you turned your head every time until the ring. It couldn’t be much more in your face than that. Now, that was a brazen act.”
“Seven carats of cubic zirconium, and the most insulting thing is he thought he could get away with it.” Noa shook her head in disbelief.
What a little low life bastard.” Elizabeth spoke softly through clenched teeth.
Noa’s eyes connected with Elizabeth’s. “You’re right, and thank God I didn’t get in any deeper by marrying him. He was abysmal at business, but I didn’t find that out until after I was working with him.”
Noa moved to the chaise, curled her legs beneath her, and raised her eyes upward in thanks. “It feels so good to be working for myself again. That was the biggest career and relationship mistake I ever made, all rolled into one.”
Noa admired the tidy garden. It was satisfying to establish order somewhere so easily.
“At least you got it over with all at once.” Analytical and logical Elizabeth attempted to help her mother put the charade behind her.
Noa laughed and nodded. “Yes, they ran concurrently.”
It was therapeutic to discuss, analyze and find humor in a relationship gone bad. It was a summation of lessons learned and moving forward. Sharing it with her daughter lightened the load. Noa knew she was blessed indeed.
“And let this be a lesson to you. It’s never too late to correct a mistake. Dr Real looked good on paper, but even those were false. The only thing I regret is that it took so long for me to discover his true character. He was weak, deceptive and detrimental to me in every way. The Great Fraud.”
Noa looked deep into her daughter’s eyes. “Promise me you’ll never suffer the company of a fool just to be in someone’s company.”
Elizabeth nodded her agreement, placed her arms around her mother, squeezed her tight, and said, “All's well that ends well.”
A phrase oft spoken by the women of their clan.
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